Pressure of the world sitting on
my shoulders, that’s how I felt while our last mission Vascular Surgeon was
here in Addis. Having an expectation on running our surgical days to the
highest possible level of success. Patients came to the hospital hoping to see
the surgeon and get a highly sought after surgical slot. These were teenagers
to grandfathers, and everyone else in between. Having a health condition not
looked after, or early stages of kidney disease that was missed, have lead to
these patients requiring dialysis. In a country lacking on expertise the
dependency on foreign experts to perform the delicate surgery of creating an AV
fistula (a way to get dialysis to clean the patients blood of the built up
toxins) is their only option. No other doctors perform this surgery in
Ethiopia. We were the only option. This hung on my shoulders for the course of
the three days of surgery. For three days I welcomed each patient as they came
in, organized everyone’s charts, ensured the Ethiopian nurses were completing
the new paper work we had created. Working with the Surgeon to determine the
cut of for surgeries that we were capable of completing. Our team worked hard
and late. One of the nights the OR was not done until nearly midnight! We are a
small hospital, one team of cleaners, one team of OR nurses, and a couple ward
nurse for each shift.
By the middle of day two the needs of a
younger 30 year old patient resulted in a tough conversation between the
Surgeon and myself, to cancel the surgery of an 80 year old to be able to fit
the 30 year old in. Who will benefit more? Why was I part of this choice, it is
heavy. Not hard but a heavy task to complete. Praying for each patient, as I
had to tell them we were full and could see no others. Taking names down,
promising to contact them if we have another vascular surgeon come. Praying
they will stay healthy and alive, give us time to help them, time they do not
have.
By the last morning I was feeling
heart broken over the need and our human limits that fell drastically short.
After sending out a massive prayer request on facebook a friend sent me a
message that sunk in. A reminder of how Jesus went to the Pool of Bethsaida and
healed one man, not everyone but one. God has a plan and uses us to be his
hands and feet here on earth in whatever work we do. We are working together as
a team in the hospital, helping those who come to us. Why do I have the
expectation on myself that we must do the work of hundreds, or the work of God.
I am neither, I am a Canadian Nurse, who loves God, and wants to serve and love
people. I love being a nurse for the human connection; I love being able to
care for those from all walks of life. At home at times it’s washing the old
ladies dentures, or brushing her hair that I love about my job. Bringing new
socks to someone who is sitting bare foot in wet sneakers. I love the serving
part of nursing. I love that I get paid to care for people everyday. I have
changed my location of work but still the same love of nursing in my Job here.
I need to celebrate the 20
patients we reached and were able to give AV fistulas to. I can pray and offer
understanding and advocate for another surgeon for all those who left our
hospital with unanswered cry for help. Seeing the young man understand he could
not be seen tear up and walk away with slumped shoulders was hard. It was hard
for me and the nurses who had to translate the hard truth. But it is God who
strengthens us, and he who gets to hear about the frustrations and disappointment
at the end of the day. I don’t need to hold onto that.
This job is
difficult, rewarding, challenging, overwhelming, and so much bigger then I. But
I am here now, moving forward and discovering new skills, and still loving
being a nurse and this new world I have found myself in. I will remember the
patients who left the hospital smiling and hugging us with thankfulness and joy
after their surgeries, Glory to God for the chance to be a part of their story,
if only for a day or so.
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